I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
