I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
