i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
