I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
