I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize