did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
