That's when you crack a 10am beer
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
