CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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