His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
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of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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