did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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