Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize