brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
