Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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