we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
