At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
