You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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