Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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