and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
