I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
