I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
