Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize