never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
