Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Mom said you looked used
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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