rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
