Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
