He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
