No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
