Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
