He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
