she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
