giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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