rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
