So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
