I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't make out with my wife yet
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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