We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
