I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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