I hate all girls vehemently.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
