did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
