Taylor Swift is so right about you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
