no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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