Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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