Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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