Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
