He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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