Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
