JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
