Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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