Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
