A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
