they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
