So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he was CRYING into my vagina
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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