Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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