Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
