Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
