I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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