Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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