You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
