GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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