right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
