its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
