You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
third nipple confirmed
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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